Join Me On the Journey

It never ceases to amaze me how practical the Bible is. I find that sometimes, I can skip right over a phrase or a sentence while I’m “getting to the good stuff.” But, tucked away in James chapter 5, in a paragraph about prayer, there is this little phrase:

Confess your faults one to another, James 5:16a (KJV)

Now, this is such practical advice, and yet, in our culture, it can be so hard to follow. We live in a culture where image is everything. Even in the church, we aren’t often transparent with each other. We don’t want other Christians to know that we haven’t had our quiet time for weeks on end, that we are struggling in our marriage, and our kids are out of control.

We go to church, “How are you this morning?” “Oh, I’m doing great, how are you?” “Oh, fine, just fine.” I am so guilty of this, and I’ll bet you are, too.

Now I’m not saying that you need to spill your guts to the greeter every Sunday morning. But, what I am saying is that you need to find other women whom you can trust to confess your faults.

Confession accomplishes many purposes. Defining a problem goes a long way toward fixing it. Sometimes, just saying something out loud helps you to see it more clearly and then you can deal with it. Often, when you say it aloud, it’s not nearly as bad as it seems when it’s hidden inside your heart. You’ll often find that other women have thought the same thought or done the same thing or had the same or similar experience.

For many years, I didn’t have another woman to confide in. As a physician, I had little time outside the office to form relationships with other women. I know that those of you who work outside the home must struggle with that as well. The moment you walk out of work, you have family responsibilities. We’re just so busy that there is no time to find someone you can trust to “confess” to.

When I came home, I was the only woman (of childbearing age, LOL) who was home all day, so I faced the opposite problem; there wasn’t really anyone I could relate to.

After (literally) years of prayer, I finally have a few friends I can trust who live close enough for me to see regularly. It has been so wonderful to have those women in my life.

The Bible says:

For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself. Rom 14:7 (KJV)

No woman is an island.

Do you have women in your life with whom you can share? Tell us about her. Click the “comments” button below.

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It’s my baby’s birthday today. She is two. I am officially “babyless.”The story of my little Mariah is nothing short of a miracle. Everything was going very well in my pregnancy when I went in for my ob visit that day–or so I thought. Since I have high blood pressure, my doctor decided to order an ultrasound to obtain a baseline weight measurement. Women who have high blood pressure sometimes have problems causing the baby not to grow well so her weight would need to be closely watched.

I could tell from the way the ultrasound tech was acting that something was not right, but I was unprepared for what the doctor told me a few minutes later. She told us that the baby wasn’t getting good blood flow through the umbilical cord. It was a very unusual problem and they wanted to transfer us to Rochester, Minnesota. The other option was to deliver Mariah via C-section…that day. There was no guarantee that she would survive another 24 hours in my uterus.

Now, being a doctor can have its disadvantages. Sometimes, knowing so much is not helpful. I knew the implications of what they were saying. If the baby had not been getting good blood flow, she had most likely been denied proper nutrition, perhaps even proper oxygenation. She was already a pound underweight for her age. I was really scared that there had already been permanent brain damage. My husband and I had just a few hours to make the decision of whether to transfer to a tertiary care center, deliver a baby immediately, or continue with the pregnancy and take our chances.

We opted for the C-section. (They didn’t think that she would handle the stress of an attempted vaginal delivery.)

I was so scared. I cannot even express how scared I was. In fact, just writing about it now is bringing those emotions to the surface, and it still doesn’t feel very good! I tried to pray, but I just wasn’t in a good place in my walk at that time in my life. I praise God that I have since sought Him and I am walking so much closer to Him. I sometimes wonder how I would have handled that situation if I had been closer to God at the time.

So, my little Mimi was born two years ago today; a two pound scrawny little thing who came out screaming. I’m not sure whether she was screaming at the injustice of being ripped out of a warm, quiet, dark, protective environment; or whether she was screaming, “Thank goodness! I was starving in there!”

Today, as I finish this post, she’s sitting on my lap sucking down goat’s milk from her sippy cup. (I milk goats.) She appears to be no worse for the wear despite her rocky beginning. She’s pretty small for her age, but one of my other daughters is also very petite. (They get that from their father’s side of the house, LOL.) She’s definitely two. In fact, she started with “the terrible twos” about a month ago, and my son (who will be three in a month) decided that he had obviously missed something, so he joined her.

My God is so good! He is so faithful! I praise Him for protecting her and I am so thankful that she’s a part of my family.

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I thought that since tomorrow is my Anniversary, I would tell the story about how my husband and I met.

At the time, I was working as a locum tenens physician. Locum tenens is Latin for “holds the place of.” In other words, a locum physician works temporary jobs while a clinic or hospital is looking for a full time physician or if another physician is on extended leave.

I was having a fine time traveling all around the Midwest working in Wisconsin, Michigan, and North Dakota. When I came to Jamestown, North Dakota, I was only planning on a three month stay. I guess God had other plans.

Dana and I met via that internet at a Christian singles site and started e-mailing. Very quickly, we realized that we wanted to get to know each other better. We exchanged phone numbers and began talking. A few weeks later, August 20th, we had our first date and we quickly realized that we had a similar background and upbringing. We also shared a strong faith in God.

He’s fond of reminding me that when we first met, I told him honestly that I was only planning on being in Jamestown until October. I also said that I didn’t want children and he remembers being very disappointed on both points. Since I was already 32, I had given up on the idea of having children and had convinced myself that I didn’t want them after all.

My time at the Jamestown clinic was drawing to a close, but they still hadn’t signed another physician, so I extended my stay.

In October, instead of moving on to another state, I became engaged. The next March, we married…on my birthday…so I could remember our anniversary. (I’m terrible at remembering dates!)

Now, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend that people do what we did, LOL. We met in the summer of 1998, got married in March of 1999 and had our first baby a year later in May of 2000. Having a series of major life changes–even good ones–is very stressful.

We’ve had a few bumps in the road, but thank heaven, he’s so very kind, patient, and understanding. It’s so wonderful to be married to a man who has always been so supportive of any dream a set my face toward.

Over the last couple of years, I have come to realize that I haven’t been the best wife I could be. I find it so hard to juggle everything. (Would you like a little cheese with your whine, Tamera?)

When I worked outside the home, I had a very demanding job. What’s more, I commuted to Jamestown 80 miles one way! During part of the time, we had two houses; one that we were renting in Jamestown, and our home in rural Kintyre.

When I quit my job, I had a newborn, a two year old and a four year old. I didn’t have a handle on how to keep house…or on how to keep a husband. I didn’t make time for him. My priorities were all out of whack.

I also had a lot of emotional baggage that needed to be unpacked, evaluated, and dealt with. How he has hung on through those difficult months in my life, I’ll never know this side of heaven.

But, I thank God that he has hung on. I thank God that his commitment to our marriage is stronger than my attempts to push him away. I thank God for him every day!

Happy Anniversary, Dana!

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Did you know that most of the time when you ask your husband, “Whatcha thinkin’ ’bout?” and he says, “Nothin’,” he’s actually telling the truth?

I don’t know about you, but that used to DRIVE ME CRAZY until I went a marriage conference at our church. I knew there were differences between men and women. It’s actually an interest of mine and I do a lot of reading on the subject. However, understanding this one concept has made my life so much better.

You see, men are like waffles. Waffles, you may ask? Yes, waffles.

You all know what a waffle looks like as viewed from the top; all those little boxes in a row with walls between them, all neat and separate. Each little box represents an aspect of your man’s life: his job, his hobbies, television, you, the kids.

When he’s in a box, that’s what he’s thinking about, experiencing, solving (because we all know that’s what he loves to do best), conquering, working out. He’s not thinking about anything but what’s in that box. He’s “in the zone!”

But the real trick is, that lucky guy can go into a box with no words. He can actually go to a place where he’s not thinking about ANYTHING. Can you imagine being able to go to a place where you didn’t have a thousand things running through your head at one time?

I’ve asked lots of guys about this and they all say it’s true. This is the one and only thing about being a man that I envy!

So, the next time that you ask your hubby, “Whatcha thinkin’ ’bout?” and he says, “Nothin’,” remember that he’s most likely telling the truth.

Read all about it: Men Are Like Waffles–Women Are Like Spaghetti by Bill and Pam Farrell

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“Most of life’s pains come from trying to “hold on” or “freeze” some specific moment in time.” Brook Noel

As an example, losing someone you love is a natural part of life that is painful; whether through death or a break-up; whether you suddenly grow out of a relationship or gradually drift apart. When you grieve for someone who is no longer a part of your life, you’re wanting to “hold on” to what it was like to have that person with you.

My marriage to my first husband was a direct result of wanting to freeze a specific moment in time. I got involved with him because I couldn’t get past that moment my father walked out the door. I was frozen to that moment in time until I finally decided that I had to move on. As it happened, that wasn’t until almost 10 years later!

I often look back and wish that I could reclaim the time I wasted, but I cannot. No one can. I can only learn the lesson that trying to freeze time is impossible…and hurtful.

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