Join Me On the Journey

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; to proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; to appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified. Isa 61:1-3 (KJV)

What ashes do you carry?

Ashes are the end product of something that has been destroyed by fire. So, what do I mean when I talk about the ashes in your life?

Statistically, it is safe to say that if you are reading this post, you have suffered abuse of some sort, at some time in your life. You may have been emotionally, verbally, physically, or sexually abused by a parent or caregiver. You may have suffered neglect; a failure on the part of your caregiver to supply your basic emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. You may have been a victim of a violent crime such as rape. You may have been abused in a bad relationship of your own choosing. Hurting people hurt people…and there are a LOT of hurting people out there.

When you are hurt by others, a part of your life is destroyed…and turned to ashes. You may react to that destruction in many ways.

• anger
• grief
• hopelessness
• depression
• shame
• guilt
• regret
• anxiety

You recognize these emotions. These reactions to abuse and neglect can burn your heart to cinder and ash. Often, like me, you may hold on to those ashes far longer than needed.

We just can’t help it sometimes. That human tendency toward self-pity is just too strong. Or perhaps, we’ve never been shown another alternative. Well, I’m here to tell you that there is an alternative. And like many of the most important things in life, it’s simple, but it isn’t easy.

Just give it up.

I know, that sounds too simple. I know it is difficult to do. But, it can be done. I am living proof. And you most certainly have given some of those ashes to God in the past.

How do you give those ashes over to God?

I have known of a few people who had a miraculous encounter with God and were forever changed right there on the spot. But, this is the exception rather than the rule.

The rest of us must make a conscious decision to hand over those ashes. You have to acknowledge that the ashes are there and exactly what they represent. You have to take them out, scoop them up in your hand, and give them to God. You do that by journaling, or sharing with a trusted friend, or working with a counselor…or through prayer which is simply talking with God. You cannot change what you do not acknowledge.

And, most of us do this gradually over a period of time. I know for me, I have had crisis points in my life when I have scooped up a big handful of ashes and given them to God. But, mostly, I give him a little pinch here and a little pinch there. I’m stingy with them. I don’t know why.

But God is faithful. He gives me so much beauty in exchange for my ashes. He makes a great exchange.

Today, why don’t you take some time to sit down and think about the ashes that you are carrying in your life. Write down your thoughts in a journal; or talk to a friend; or talk to the greatest Friend of all. Scoop up some of those ashes and exchange them for His beauty.

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I’d like to talk today about the benefits of forgiveness. Have you every thought about who benefits from forgiveness the most? Is it them, or is it you? Sometimes, the person that you are resentful toward isn’t even aware they have offended you. Come to think of it, I wonder how often I have offended someone and wasn’t even aware of it.

As I see it, there are three major benefits of forgiveness.

First of all, forgiveness brings liberty. Have you ever carried a grudge against someone and felt the need to avoid them? Isn’t that an awful feeling when you think to yourself, “I wonder if so-and-so will be there?” and your stomach just twists up in knots. When you learn to forgive, you no longer have to fear coming into contact with that person.

Second, it frees up our relationship with the Father.

Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Matt 5:21-26 NKJV

These are the words of Jesus, and He is teaching that resentment and strife will interfere with your relationship with God.

Finally, most of you are mothers and some of you are mothers of grown children. Have you ever had two of your children who were estranged? I cannot imagine what that would be like. My children are so young that their spats are quickly mended with a kiss and a tickle from Mommy. But if, when they grow older, something were to happen and two of them held a grudge and wouldn’t speak, or were even to the point where they were uncomfortable around each other, I think it would tear my heart out.

How then must God feel when we hold a grudge against another of His children?

Malachy McCourt said, “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Don’t continue to swallow dregs of the poison of resentment. Ask God to show you how to accept His tonic of forgiveness.

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I found a blog that I recommend. Joy in the Journey is a blog written by a mom living in Indonesia. She has five very small children and her family is a missionary family…a different life from the one I live.

But, she worships the same God as I do, and so we have a lot in common, don’t we?

She wrote earlier this week about accepting compliments and about humility. Where do we draw the line between acknowledging that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made,” and “considering others better than ourselves”? (Psa 139:14 and Phil 2:3)

Let’s explore that, shall we?

First of all, we must understand that there is a difference between our spirit, soul, and body. (For further explanation of this, please read the article Spirit, Soul, and Body.)

Our spirit is righteous and holy (Eph 4:24). It is that part of us that is made new at the moment of salvation and it is sealed by the Holy Spirit so that it cannot be corrupted (Eph 1:13). (See Canned Spirit, Anyone?)

Paul says in Philippians 1:6:

Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ: (KJV)

He’s speaking of the fact that God created a new creature (our spirit) at the moment of our salvation (II Cor 5:17). The rest of the Christian life is to allow Him to complete that work through the renewing our soul (intellect, emotions, will, conscience) day by day. And we have a big part to play in that.

Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure. (KJV) Phil 2:12-13

Our new spirit is a gift from God…something that we do not, cannot earn. But, we are in charge of changing our soul. We are in charge of renewing our mind. Romans 12:1-2 says:

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. (KJV)

So, what does all this have to do with humility?

The very next verse in Romans 12 says, “For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.”

This verse says not to think of yourself more highly than you ought, but it doesn’t say, “think of yourself as lower than everyone else.”

Romans 12:6a says, “Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us…” We have all been given gifts and those gifts are given so that we can minister to each other. We must acknowledge those gifts and strengthen those gifts in order to be effective in the body of Christ.

One verse in the Old Testament that has truly helped me to know my place in God is found in Numbers.

(Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth.) Num 12:3 (NIV)

Moses wrote those words under the influence of the Holy Spirit. He wrote those words about himself!

Yes, the Bible exhorts us to “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” (Romans 12:10) But, Jesus Himself said, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.” (Luke 10:27 KJV)

Let us honor others through service, love others with the love that flows through us when we love ourselves, and accept compliments from others with a gracious, “Thank you!”

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Did you know that there is only one thing in this life that you can control? Do you know what it is?

It’s that person you look at in the mirror every morning.

You cannot control world events. You cannot control the weather. You cannot control your hubby…or your kids…or your dear mother-in-law.

But…you can control your reactions to all those things. You can control what hours you are awake and how you use your time while you’re awake. You can control how you take care of yourself: whether you exercise, eat right, get enough sleep (unless, of course, you have a little one deciding this point for you). You can control the things you read, the things you see, the things you think about and focus upon.

So often in my life, I have found myself railing against those things I cannot change. This, as I’m sure you know, is incredibly exhausting and unproductive.

If you’re tired and bogged down, I encourage you to take a few moments to examine your life and assess whether you may be struggling to control things that you really cannot change.

“How do I do this?” you may ask. Well, it’s really not as hard as it may seem. All you need is a pen, a piece of paper (or your journal) and several minutes of uninterrupted time. If you work outside the home, take a few minutes during your lunch break. If you’re a full-time mommy, take blanket outside and sit on the ground while they’re playing near by.

Write at the top of the page: “What is REALLY bugging me about my life right now?”

Then, just begin to write. Don’t censer yourself; just write whatever comes to your mind. Give yourself a good amount of time; at least twenty to thirty minutes of continuous writing. The longer you allow yourself to write, the more effective you’ll find this exercise.

Now, some of you are so conditioned not to complain, this may be a hard exercise for you. If you have a hard time starting, begin by just simply writing, “I don’t know what to write…This is a stupid exercise…There’s nothing wrong with my life…Everything is wrong with my life, where do I start…I never did like that Tamera…” Whatever comes to your mind, just write. Don’t worry about your handwriting or punctuation. This is called stream of consciousness writing. There’s no mystery about it. It is simply writing down every word that comes to your mind as you’re thinking about a specific topic…like “What’s REALLY bugging me about my life right now?”

This is a powerful exercise and if you take the time to do it, you will discover powerful truths concerning how you’re truly feeling about some of the different aspects of your life.

So, I challenge you to “just do it.” It is so easy to read something like this and think, “I bet that would be interesting,” and then go on about your busy life. Put it on your “To Do” list. Purpose to fit it into your schedule some time in the next few days. Don’t put if off.

(This is a reposting from a couple of months ago, but it’s been on my mind again. I encourage you to perform this exercise intermittently. It really helps me to refocus.)

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How often has this happened to you? A friend offends you by saying something insensitive. You don’t say anything at the time because first of all, you can’t believe she said it, and second of all, confrontation isn’t your style. But, you go home and stew about it.

You think about it often over the next few days and it grows and grows. “How could she say something like that? Doesn’t she know how much that hurt my feelings?” So, you begin to rehearse what you’re going to say to her. It has just become so important that you HAVE to confront her about it. You rehearse and rehearse; refining exactly what you’ll say; thinking about how she’ll react, how she’ll apologize and you will hug and the two of you will have a good laugh about it later.

You screw up your courage.

The big day comes.

You deliver your speech eloquently (after all, you have practiced it a hundred times), and your friend looks at you and says, “Gee, I didn’t realize that would offend you.” Or, “Gosh, that’s not really what I said.” Or perhaps, “Oh, I didn’t mean for it to come out that way.”

You spent all that time stewing over something that was incidental to your friend; something that she has forgotten all about; something she may not even remember saying or even denies saying.
(read the rest of the article…)

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Did you know that there’s no such word as “unforgiveness?” I have been thinking and writing about unforgiveness for several days now. (I bet you can’t imagine what’s going to be showing up in my blog. ) While I was writing, I noticed that no matter how I spelled unforgiveness, the word was highlighted in my spell-checker. After puzzling over this for a moment, I looked it up at dictionary.com.

“No results found for unforgiveness?” What do you mean no results found?

Finally, my lightnin’-fast mind figured out…unforgiveness is not a real word.
(read the rest of the article…)

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Today, I would like to continue my series on the book 25 Ways to Win With People. This book was written by John Maxwell and Les Parrott and it is a down-to-earth little book on how to get along with people and improve your people skills.

To review, the first chapter makes the point that in order to get along with other people, you need to start with yourself. The next chapter introduces the concept of the 30 second rule. At the end of this post, you’ll find links to these other posts. Just click on them and you can read the other blog entries, or click on “Winning With People” in the “Categories” section to the right and the posts will automatically come up on a separate page for you to read.

Point number three is let people know that you need them.
(read the rest of the article…)

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I’m reading a great book right now. The title is 25 Ways to Win With People by John C. Maxwell and Les Parrot, PH.D. The premise of the book is that there are tangible things that you can do to have better relationships.

The book begins by exhorting you to start with yourself. Neil Clark Warren has said “Your relationships can only be as healthy as you are.”

The Bible teaches this concept as part of the two great commandments.

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. Matt 22:37-41 (KJV)

Now, we all know that this can be taken to excess. There is such a thing as loving yourself too much. In fact, the natural human tendency is toward selfishness. Romans 12:3 exhorts us not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought.

On the other hand, that is not the problem with most of us. As women, we tend to be just the opposite. Many of us have been wounded by people who have injured us with words and deeds and it’s difficult to overcome those wounds.

But, it can be done.

And, it should be done.

And, the reason is this: when you value yourself, you will have more to give to others.

Isn’t that the desire of our hearts? to have more to give to those we love?

Take a few moments to think about how much you truly value yourself. Are you spending regular time with God? Do you regularly take time to recharge and refresh? Are you taking the time to learn new things? Do you regularly evaluate your life to determine the need for a course correction? Do you have people in your life who build you up rather than tear you down? Are you spending too much time listening to those voices from the past (or even the present) that are telling you that you’re no good?

This is a long list of questions and perhaps reading it does nothing but raise your stress level. I’m not telling you that you need to do all these things today. I’m just saying that these are some of the ways to fill your cup so that you can pour out and provide for the people you love.

I would encourage you to pray about what God wants you to focus on right now.

We’re all in a different place in our lives. Some of us are already having a regular quiet time with God. Some of us may need to focus on that first. I believe that having that regular quiet time is crucial because when we have that regular time with God, He can show us what we need to do next.

Some of us have toxic people in our lives right now that we need to deal with.

Some of us need to exercise our brain and learn something new…something we’re interested in learning “just for the fun of it.” (Some of us need to exercise our bodies, LOL.)

Take a moment today to stop and think about what your greatest personal need is right now. Write it down and come up with a plan to meet that need.

If you’re stuck, I would be happy to receive your specific question and give a suggestion. E-mail me.

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The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; to proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; to appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified. Isa 61:1-3 (KJV)

Is this not an incredible passage?

I do not truly understand all that Jesus did for me when He died on the cross. I’m not sure that my brain, with it’s limitations here on earth, is capable of understanding it on more than a surface level. Oh, I get a glimpse of it now and then, but I must say that I don’t truly understand it.

This passage in Isaiah promises me and promises you that God will give us beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. What promises this passage holds! And yet, I must realize something.

This passage says that He will give me all these wonderful things, but I must give up something. I must give up my ashes and mourning and my spirit of heaviness. Oh, wait a minute…I have to give up something? I have to give up all those familiar, comfortable, awful things????

All of us have those things in our lives. Those ways of dealing with life that we see modeled by our family and friends and even other Christians. We take a little of the stinkin’ thinkin’ from each person who comes into our lives, plus we might mix in a little right thinking now and then; and we combine it all together to come up with our own way of dealing with life.

I spent a good part of my life depressed. I thought that I wanted to get better, but I realize now that I really didn’t want to get better…until I finally really did want to get better.

You see, depression had become like an old friend to me. I can still clearly remember the day that I realized that depression was like my security blanket. One that I had slept with every night, and carried with me every day, and cried on night and day until it had become worn and tattered.

I had even made attempts at throwing it away, but I would always go and retrieve it from the trash. And then it began to take on a smell…the smell of death and decay.

I had to burn the blanket.

So, I did. And, I very nearly, literally died in the process.

But, do you know what I did then?

I carried around the ashes.

Thank goodness, I didn’t carry them around very long. I was able to give them up and my Father gave me His beauty for my ashes. Wasn’t that a great trade?

There are still ashes I carry that God wants me to give up.

Are you carrying around ashes? What are the ashes that you are carrying? Are you ready to give them up?

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A few days ago, I encouraged you to spend some time listing the things that are truly bothering you about your life.

Did you do it?

If not, I would encourage you to read Control and perform this exercise.

Once you have your pages written, go back through and re-read them.

(Ideally, a little time should pass between performing this exercise and evaluating the content. It also works best if you do it without a preconceived notion of what you’re going to be doing with the material, so I would encourage you to perform the exercise before you finish reading this.)

Do you see some common threads? Did you make some discoveries that surprised you?

On another piece of paper (or in another page of your journal) make a list of the items you discovered. Look at each item and determine whether you control that thing or not.

If you’re unsure about whether you have control over that item on your list, just ask yourself, “Is there another person involved?” If so, you do not have total control over that item.

There are likely things over which you have no control. Again, you cannot control world events, or natural laws (such as the weather), or another person’s behavior. One way to make these problems less stressful is to change your attitude. You must work to come to a place where you accept what you cannot change. (remember the Serenity Prayer?)

There are likely several items over which you have only partial control. For example, if there is a relationship in your life that is troubled, you do have partial control over that situation. You can control how you feel about that person. You can control how you react to their behavior. You can become proactive in your response to their behavior.

Lastly, it is probable that you have items on your list over which you have total control. If much of your list contains things you can totally control, you are truly blessed.

When you have divided your list into things over which you have no control, things you partially control, and things you totally control; pick a place to start.

Start with the thing that’s really bugging you the most. Or, perhaps you discover a common theme to your list. You may discover your problems separate themselves naturally into different categories than I have suggested here. Remember, this is your list; your life. I am suggesting one way to tackle this list but you may intuitively follow a different trail. That is between you and God.

This is your journey and it begins with one step. Small, deliberate changes can have a big effect in your life.

One year from now, God willing (and He is), you will be a year older. You can determine today (and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow) if you will be a year older with the same problems plaguing your life; or if you will be a year older with some of those problems taken care of.

I want very much to walk with you on this journey. The first edition of my e-zine will be coming out tomorrow and I will be talking about habits. Habits are the smallest units of change. Taking one of the items on your list, breaking it down into something small that you can change, and weaving that new habit into your life is a way that you can become proactive and make profound changes for the better.

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