Join Me On the Journey

This blog has been quite an experience for me.

If you’ve been with me since the beginning, you may have noticed nearly constant little changes along the right side (called the sidebar). On the other hand, they may very well have gone unnoticed by many of you, but behind the scenes, I’ve had flashes of sheer terror as I have been messing around with the code that tells the computer how this site is supposed to look and act.

I have spent the last few months (between cooking and cleaning and chores and children) taking an online crash course on coding. I’ve worked through online courses and read several books. I have learned many things that allow me to make those changes to my website, and I have made some changes. But, it has been scary sometimes!

That first moment that I realized something I had tinkered with had caused a problem, I got that feeling in the pit of my stomach. (You know the one?) I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to fix it. I was afraid of what people would think when they visited the site. I was afraid because my hubby had already said, “You’re on your own with this one!” (He’s my computer guru, but he doesn’t know anything about programing.)

But, I’ve heard Joyce Meyer advise people, “Do some things afraid!”

Just think about that concept…Do some things afraid.

I must admit, that is something I have done quite a bit of my life. It could be part of my personality make-up. After all, I’m a fun-loving Sanguine whose natural tendency is to do things to stand out from the crowd. Or, perhaps it’s just a character attribute I developed early; a decision I made to try new things and learn as much as possible about them. Whatever the case, I just don’t mind that feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me I’m treading new ground and I don’t know what’s coming over the next hill; in fact, I quite enjoy it.

I felt it the days I performed in piano competitions and when I decided that I would do a senior concert in high school.

I felt it when I left for college; and when I faltered and came home after my father left; and when I decided three years later to apply for medical school.

I felt it nearly every single day during medical school and internship and residency…and most days as a physician.

I feel it as a wife, a mommy and as a teacher to my children.

And I feel it now as a writer…and quasi web designer.

Now, I admit, there are times when I get tired of that feeling. There are times when I would just like to avoid it and live a peaceable life, but most of the time, I bask in doing things afraid!

You may not revel in that feeling as I do. But I would encourage you, doing things afraid can help you grow in areas of your life where you may be stagnant. You can learn so many lessons when the discomfort in your gut pushes you to find the answers you seek no matter what the cost.

Isaiah 43:5a says:

Fear not: for I am with thee: (KJV)

Now, this verse doesn’t tell you not to feel the fear. After all, that wouldn’t make sense. No one can go through this life never feeling fear. Instead, this verse tells you not to allow the fear to paralyze you; to be secure in the fact that God is with you always and so He will help you through that fear.

So…Be Afraid…Be Very Afraid! Ask God today what things He would have you do afraid.

Popularity: 15%

As I continue to share in this forum, I find I am sometimes fearful. So, this morning, I began to think: what exactly is fear?

Whenever I think of fear, the first thing that comes to my mind is I John 4:18:

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. (KJV)

In the past, I have looked at this verse as, “You need to get rid of the fear because it shows a lack of faith.” That attitude is a little like taking an aspirin for a headache without regard to the primary cause of the headache.

As a physician, this was a daily part of my practice. We doctors understand so much more about the workings of the human body than we did even 20 years ago, yet there is still so much we don’t understand. So, we treat the symptoms instead of the cause.

A good example would be high blood pressure. There are a few things that we know can induce hypertension (or high blood pressure), but the majority of people are diagnosed with Essential Hypertension. This is a fancy way of saying, “We don’t know what’s causing your high blood pressure, but we’re pretty sure it’s bad for you, so here. Take this pill.” We treat the symptom without addressing the cause.

Often, I do the same thing with fear. I recognize it is there, but then I try to “take a pill.” I do that by turning to God as I described a moment ago; or I distract myself with the television or the computer or a dozen other things. I’ll do anything to avoid defining the source of my fear.

So, this morning, I took a look at it. What is the cause of the fear that I’ve been feeling?

For me, I fear that those who knew me as a doctor, are going the think the life I live now is foolish.

There’s a line from a movie I saw once, “Lo, how are the mighty fallen.” And I hear the actor admonishing me sometimes when I’m mucking out the chicken coop or sitting down to milk the goats or now when I’m writing my heart out. I wonder what they would think if they could see me and read about how much I enjoy my life the way I’m living it now.

I also wonder what my family will think. They know me, after all. They know the good, the bad…and a lot of ugly.

So, what’s the answer? I wish I knew. For right now, I’m acknowledging the fear, defining it, and trying to push past it…and I’m hoping.

I hope that my words reach women and help them in their struggle to make lasting changes in their lives. I hope that I will grow and stretch as a writer. But, most of all, I hope that people will see God in me…and not just me.

Popularity: 5%