Join Me On the Journey

Offenses come in all sizes, don’t they?

There are the little things: your husband drops your favorite dish, your daughter spills her milk for the third time during dinner, your son rips his last pair of jeans that fit, your teenager forgets to take out the garbage.

There are the heavier, medium-sized packages of failure that hurt a little deeper: your daughter sasses back, your children promise to keep their room clean, and then go back on their promise, you’re expecting a family heirloom and your great aunt gives it to your cousin instead.

Then there are the cumbersome and heaviest of situations that leave you feeling crushed: a divorce, unfaithfulness, an estranged relationship, a rebellious teenager who thinks he is always right, physical or verbal abuse.

How do you deal with the small and the largest of offenses in your life?

First of all, be honest with yourself. When you’re hurt, admit it. Talk to your Heavenly Father about it. He is so faithful. He loves you so much and He wants to be a part of your everyday life.

Father, I know that he didn’t mean to break that dish, but I REALLY LOVED THAT PLATTER!

Lord, I know Aunt Betsy didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, but that tea set meant a lot to me.

Jesus, I don’t even know what to pray, I’m so hurt!

Second, the Scriptures teach that we must forgive others. Forgiveness is not an option in the Christian life. We are commanded to forgive because we have been forgiven.

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. Eph 4:31-32 (KJV)

To forgive someone means you give up the right to punish them. You no longer hold the offense against them. You may still feel the feelings, but you make a decision to forgive anyway. Thank God for His willingness to forgive you, and pray for a heart willing to forgive those who fail you.

But what about when you’ve been deeply hurt?

I have found that when dealing with a major offense, there are some steps that help me get through.

1. Humble yourself and repent for any contribution you had in the offense. Ask God where you were wrong, how you contributed to the situation. Repentance softens your heart and allows God to begin healing it.
2. Forgive out loud before the Lord. Since your heart is already softened, the forgiveness “sticks” better.
3. Pray for that person. Matthew 5:44 says, “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”

Forgiveness isn’t always easy, but God would never give a command He didn’t provide the ability to accomplish. That would be unjust.

Look to Him when you are offended and He will heal your heart. He will provide the strength to forgive.

God Bless You on Your Journey

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There are levels of transgressions, aren’t there?

Failures come in different ways, different sizes, different levels.

There are little mistakes: spilling a glass of milk at a meal, stepping accidentally on someone’s foot, dropping a plate to shatter on the floor.

There are bigger infractions: habitually yelling at your child, failing to keep your word, the practice of nagging.

Then, there are the overwhelming violations of trust: infidelity, a defiant child, physical or verbal abuse.

When someone offends us, whether a big or small offense, we are commanded to forgive.

Jesus talked of forgiveness often and Paul summed up forgiveness for us in this wonderful passage:

…be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. Eph 4:32 (KJV)

Forgive has many meanings:

1. to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.
2. to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).
3. to grant pardon to (a person).
4. to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one’s enemies.
5. to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan.

But, how to forgive—on a simple, day-to-day level—is much more difficult, isn’t it?

To forgive others means we give up the right to punish them. We no longer hold the offenses against them.

Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good. Rom 12:19-21 (KJV)

The first step to forgiveness is acknowledgment. Forgiveness implies change and you cannot change what you do not acknowledge. If you are the offender, it involves confession and asking forgiveness. If you have been offended, and the other person has asked forgiveness, you need to accept that apology.

It can be difficult to forgive when the guilty party has apologized, but what about when you have been offended and the guilty party has not asked forgiveness?

When that happens, you need to take it to God. The Bible does not differentiate between any of these situations. God didn’t say, “Forgive one another after the offending party has asked your forgiveness” or “Forgive when you feel those mushy forgiveness feelings rise up.” It just says, “Forgive!” It’s a commandment.

And, God doesn’t command something that is not possible, for that would be unjust.

Joyce Meyer is fond of saying, “Sometimes you have to do what’s right, even if it doesn’t feel right.” Forgiving someone can be one of those things that doesn’t feel right, but must be done.

Is there someone that you need to forgive today? Pray and search your heart. You can decide to forgive that person. You can overcome your desire to be right. God is faithful.

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Today is Olivia’s birthday. She is seven years old.

I’m so excited to have a seven year old, but it makes me stop to think that ten years ago, I didn’t think I would ever have children.

When I was a kid, I thought I would have a house full of kids.  I LOVED kids!  I babysat all the time and I just loved it.

But, I made several bad decisions and by the time I was 30, I had come to the conclusion that it just wasn’t going to happen…so, I tried to convince myself that I didn’t want kids.

That was where I was when I met my husband, and he was really disappointed when I said that I didn’t want to have children.  He wanted a big family, and unlike me, he hadn’t given up on his dream.

I must say, though, it didn’t take me long to jump back on the bandwagon.

We were married in March of 1999 and in May of 2000, we had started our family.  We’ve never looked back and now, we have a houseful…and a heart full…of wonderful, growing children.

Thank God for all His many blessings!

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Well, it’s one of those crazy weeks, ladies. This will truly be a test of my commitment to pray every day.

My little cross-eyed girl will be having surgery tomorrow to correct her strabismus, so I will be a bit preoccupied with that. I would appreciate your prayers both for her and for me (selfish woman that I am). Being a doctor has its disadvantages sometimes. You know more than the average person when your child has to have a simple surgery under general anesthetic.

This morning, though, my wonderful sister-in-law, Stacey, sent me this link to a video that helped take my mind off things for a few minutes. If you are a mom with a mini-van, you must go visit this link. It is so funny.

MOM my van

Thank you so much for keeping us in your prayers.

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Today is my little boy’s birthday! He turns three. I no longer have two two year olds, LOL.

What can I say about my little Josiah except that he is the spitting image of his father…in nearly every way. He looks like his father, he acts like his father.

It’s so funny to live in the area where Dana grew up, because any time we see someone, they will say, “I cannot believe how much he looks like Dana did at that age!” (It happens all the time!) I tell people that I was just the incubator, he’s really a clone.

In 2003-2004, while I was pregnant with Josiah, I was still working and I was having a lot of medical problems. I had been diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and I was on weekly injections of a medication that was keeping me functioning well enough to work, but that was about it. They didn’t understand why the RA was flaring during pregnancy. (It tends to get better with pregnancy.) Nonetheless, it was not good.

I didn’t realize it, but I was suffering from sleep apnea. (Doctors really are the worst patients! I didn’t share with anyone the extent of the problems I was having; neither did I put two and two together and consciously realize that I was suffering from sleep apnea. DUH!) In the office, I would literally fall asleep standing up while I was dictating an office note after seeing a patient. I know that is so hard to believe, but it’s true.

I was driving back and forth from Jamestown to Kintyre, ND a couple times a week (about 80 miles). I cannot describe how hard it is to drive when you are literally falling asleep at the wheel several times during a trip driving 75 miles per hour down the interstate. I try not to think about the fact that my children were in danger every time I got behind the wheel with them. There were times when I would stop about every 15 or 20 miles and get out and walk around, trying to wake up enough to drive. (Just thinking about it makes me shudder!)

I was working and trying to keep two houses. The girls were in daycare–which I hated. (Good grief! This is depressing!)

Anyway, suffice it to say, things were not going well. I was letting my partners and my patients down because I was struggling so much with medical problems. I was letting my family down because I was spread so thin. And, I didn’t have anything resembling a relationship with God. I don’t know how I ever got through that time except by His Grace.

I had planned to quit in 2005 when Olivia turned five, but I began to realize that there was a very real chance I wouldn’t make it that long…physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Dana and I made the decision that I would quit right before Josiah was born. It was one of the best decisions that we ever made.

Shortly after Josiah was born, I was finally diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. I was placed on CPAP and I have also lost weight which helps as well. I still have a lot of muscle fatigue and joint pain, but I think that the diagnosis of Rheumatoid Arthritis was incorrect. (It is difficult to diagnose RA because there really is not a definitive test for it.) I’m on no medication for the RA and my symptoms are manageable.

I look back to that time in my life and I cannot believe how things have changed. I am a much better wife and mother. I have the time and energy for my family. Dana and I are growing closer. Olivia, Sophia, and I are well down the path of our homeschool journey. I have two beautiful, incredible, active, squealing, squabbling toddlers. And most importantly, my relationship with God is so much better…and getting better every day.

Life is good! I am so happy now. I thank my precious Father for bringing me through that time. I know that He must have carried me. There is no other way I could have survived it.

God Bless You today! I hope that you have a great day. I know that we will. Josiah will be Prince For A Day!

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It’s my baby’s birthday today. She is two. I am officially “babyless.”The story of my little Mariah is nothing short of a miracle. Everything was going very well in my pregnancy when I went in for my ob visit that day–or so I thought. Since I have high blood pressure, my doctor decided to order an ultrasound to obtain a baseline weight measurement. Women who have high blood pressure sometimes have problems causing the baby not to grow well so her weight would need to be closely watched.

I could tell from the way the ultrasound tech was acting that something was not right, but I was unprepared for what the doctor told me a few minutes later. She told us that the baby wasn’t getting good blood flow through the umbilical cord. It was a very unusual problem and they wanted to transfer us to Rochester, Minnesota. The other option was to deliver Mariah via C-section…that day. There was no guarantee that she would survive another 24 hours in my uterus.

Now, being a doctor can have its disadvantages. Sometimes, knowing so much is not helpful. I knew the implications of what they were saying. If the baby had not been getting good blood flow, she had most likely been denied proper nutrition, perhaps even proper oxygenation. She was already a pound underweight for her age. I was really scared that there had already been permanent brain damage. My husband and I had just a few hours to make the decision of whether to transfer to a tertiary care center, deliver a baby immediately, or continue with the pregnancy and take our chances.

We opted for the C-section. (They didn’t think that she would handle the stress of an attempted vaginal delivery.)

I was so scared. I cannot even express how scared I was. In fact, just writing about it now is bringing those emotions to the surface, and it still doesn’t feel very good! I tried to pray, but I just wasn’t in a good place in my walk at that time in my life. I praise God that I have since sought Him and I am walking so much closer to Him. I sometimes wonder how I would have handled that situation if I had been closer to God at the time.

So, my little Mimi was born two years ago today; a two pound scrawny little thing who came out screaming. I’m not sure whether she was screaming at the injustice of being ripped out of a warm, quiet, dark, protective environment; or whether she was screaming, “Thank goodness! I was starving in there!”

Today, as I finish this post, she’s sitting on my lap sucking down goat’s milk from her sippy cup. (I milk goats.) She appears to be no worse for the wear despite her rocky beginning. She’s pretty small for her age, but one of my other daughters is also very petite. (They get that from their father’s side of the house, LOL.) She’s definitely two. In fact, she started with “the terrible twos” about a month ago, and my son (who will be three in a month) decided that he had obviously missed something, so he joined her.

My God is so good! He is so faithful! I praise Him for protecting her and I am so thankful that she’s a part of my family.

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I thought that since tomorrow is my Anniversary, I would tell the story about how my husband and I met.

At the time, I was working as a locum tenens physician. Locum tenens is Latin for “holds the place of.” In other words, a locum physician works temporary jobs while a clinic or hospital is looking for a full time physician or if another physician is on extended leave.

I was having a fine time traveling all around the Midwest working in Wisconsin, Michigan, and North Dakota. When I came to Jamestown, North Dakota, I was only planning on a three month stay. I guess God had other plans.

Dana and I met via that internet at a Christian singles site and started e-mailing. Very quickly, we realized that we wanted to get to know each other better. We exchanged phone numbers and began talking. A few weeks later, August 20th, we had our first date and we quickly realized that we had a similar background and upbringing. We also shared a strong faith in God.

He’s fond of reminding me that when we first met, I told him honestly that I was only planning on being in Jamestown until October. I also said that I didn’t want children and he remembers being very disappointed on both points. Since I was already 32, I had given up on the idea of having children and had convinced myself that I didn’t want them after all.

My time at the Jamestown clinic was drawing to a close, but they still hadn’t signed another physician, so I extended my stay.

In October, instead of moving on to another state, I became engaged. The next March, we married…on my birthday…so I could remember our anniversary. (I’m terrible at remembering dates!)

Now, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend that people do what we did, LOL. We met in the summer of 1998, got married in March of 1999 and had our first baby a year later in May of 2000. Having a series of major life changes–even good ones–is very stressful.

We’ve had a few bumps in the road, but thank heaven, he’s so very kind, patient, and understanding. It’s so wonderful to be married to a man who has always been so supportive of any dream a set my face toward.

Over the last couple of years, I have come to realize that I haven’t been the best wife I could be. I find it so hard to juggle everything. (Would you like a little cheese with your whine, Tamera?)

When I worked outside the home, I had a very demanding job. What’s more, I commuted to Jamestown 80 miles one way! During part of the time, we had two houses; one that we were renting in Jamestown, and our home in rural Kintyre.

When I quit my job, I had a newborn, a two year old and a four year old. I didn’t have a handle on how to keep house…or on how to keep a husband. I didn’t make time for him. My priorities were all out of whack.

I also had a lot of emotional baggage that needed to be unpacked, evaluated, and dealt with. How he has hung on through those difficult months in my life, I’ll never know this side of heaven.

But, I thank God that he has hung on. I thank God that his commitment to our marriage is stronger than my attempts to push him away. I thank God for him every day!

Happy Anniversary, Dana!

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