Join Me On the Journey

Did you know that there’s no such word as “unforgiveness?” I have been thinking and writing about unforgiveness for several days now. (I bet you can’t imagine what’s going to be showing up in my blog. ) While I was writing, I noticed that no matter how I spelled unforgiveness, the word was highlighted in my spell-checker. After puzzling over this for a moment, I looked it up at dictionary.com.

“No results found for unforgiveness?” What do you mean no results found?

Finally, my lightnin’-fast mind figured out…unforgiveness is not a real word.

You see, forgiveness is something that you are supposed to do one time and then it’s done. You cannot UN-forgive someone. (By the way, unforgive isn’t a word, either. However, I’ve found that I can “unforgive” someone. Or, perhaps I never forgave them in the first place?)

I suppose the correct term would be “resentment.” Resentment is defined as “indignation or ill will felt as a result of a real or imagined grievance.”

We hear about how bad resentment is for us spiritually at church. We read about how bad it is for us emotionally. Even mainstream medicine is starting to admit freely that resentment and other strong emotions contribute to–perhaps even cause–physical illness.

So, like me, you have probably thought about it at one time or another. “I really should forgive so-and-so,” you’ve said to yourself.

You have heard, like me, “forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling,” so you choose to forgive. You make an intellectual decision, “Yes, I have forgiven so-and-so.” But, have you? How do you know if you have truly forgiven a person?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve found there are times when I think I have forgiven someone…until their name comes up in a conversation. Haven’t you felt that twinge in your gut? an instant feeling of animosity toward that person? When someone compliments that person, do you feel compelled to inform them of the other side of the story?

What about when you unexpectedly see them at a gathering? Have you ever looked up to see that person, smiled through gritted teeth, and thought to yourself, “There’s no way I’m going over there to say, hi.” Have you ever opted out of an event altogether, just because you know that person will be there…or even might be there?

OK, so you’re caught. You realize that forgiveness didn’t stick. Now what do you do?

Well, you pray about it. You talk to God about it. Tell Him that you’re having a hard time forgiving that person. Ask Him to show you how to forgive. Write in your journal. Write that person a letter and don’t send it. Do anything to open the wound, drain it, clean it out, and allow it to heal. Lather, rinse, repeat as necessary. You get the idea.

It will take more than once to forgive some people, but you can do it. Proverbs 10:12 says, “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins.” Take a few moments to sit down and think about those people who have offended and hurt you, and ask God to help you to forgive them.

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