Let People Know That You Need Them
Today, I would like to continue my series on the book 25 Ways to Win With People. This book was written by John Maxwell and Les Parrott and it is a down-to-earth little book on how to get along with people and improve your people skills.
To review, the first chapter makes the point that in order to get along with other people, you need to start with yourself. The next chapter introduces the concept of the 30 second rule. At the end of this post, you’ll find links to these other posts. Just click on them and you can read the other blog entries, or click on “Winning With People” in the “Categories” section to the right and the posts will automatically come up on a separate page for you to read.
Point number three is let people know that you need them.
People LOVE to feel needed. Don’t you love to feel needed? Most of you are moms and you know what it’s like to feel needed…all day long…every moment of the day…day after day after day after day. Okay, you can see that I sometimes feel a little overwhelmed with my little ones, LOL.
I think the most graphic example of the fact that people love to be needed is when you stop to ask for directions. You know what it’s like; you’re lost; you’re late; you’re stressed out; and you pull over to ask the first person that you see how to get un-lost! Doesn’t that person almost always stop everything in order to help you?
When you ask for directions, you’re telling that person that:
- they know something you don’t know
- you need them
That is incredibly empowering. Again, people love to be needed. So, why don’t we ask for help more often? It’s a win-win situation. Unless, of course, the person you ask gives you the wrong directions! 
Is it pride? Is it embarrassment? Is it because we live in a culture that glorifies self-sufficiency?
I believe it comes down to one reason; we don’t ask for help because we’ve been hurt. All of us, to one degree or another, have been hurt in our lives. We are hurt when we ask for help and people either don’t respond or even hurt us instead.
A baby is born and by way of her helpless condition, she asks for help. Feed me. Clothe me. Keep me protected from the elements. But, most importantly, love me. If those needs aren’t met, that child (assuming she survives to adulthood) learns to stop asking for help. She learns that when you do ask for help, either no one responds or they hurt you.
When you have been hurt repeatedly, it takes a great deal of courage to reach out once again and start asking people for help. However, in order for you to heal and grow, you must be willing to try; because when you think about it, you need other people to do anything worthwhile here on earth.
That said, I need you. I need you to help me fulfill my dream. I have shared a little about my dream here and there, but I would like to define it a bit better for you.
I have a dream to take the things that I have learned about the mechanics of change and pass it on to others (see From Learner to Teacher and Helping You Change). Sometimes little changes can make a big difference and if I can write something that speaks to you where you are in your life and helps you to make change, then all the time I have spent reading and thinking and writing and all the time I spend on this site sharing will be worth it.
I’m asking for your feedback and input here on this site. Your comments are so helpful and appreciated. It encourages others to comment as well and that will help me to know what things are speaking to you. If you’ll notice, along the right side, there’s a section called “Top Commenters.” This is a list of those who comment and how many comments they have made. I would love to see those numbers increase, so comment away, ladies!
Also, tell others about my website. If you have enjoyed what you’ve read here and in my e-zine, let others know for me. One of the reasons that I have chosen to begin blogging and publishing my e-zine is because I live so far removed from the rest of the world! The internet is an incredible tool as I just can’t minister to women one-on-one due to both time and proximity constraints.
Ecclesiastes 4:9 says Eccl 4:9 “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.” Thank you so much for your help. I need you! God Bless!
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Tamera,
I’ve been thinking about how I can put The Thirty Second rule into place in my life. I want to sound sincere but often I hesitate because I’m just not sure what to say.
We used to practice ahead of time with our children when we were teaching them to talk with people after church.
Any suggestions for sincere compliments?
Phyllis
April 21st, 2007 | #
I look forward to each and every little lesson I read which is everyday, (unless my puter is in the hospital.)
I love everything you write. and not just saying that cus you are my Tamera. I really love what I learn I would be lost with out it. Mom
April 21st, 2007 | #
Phyllis,
That’s a GREAT question! As you said, you don’t want to sound insincere. Also, it is harder for some people than others. Some people are naturally good at finding ways to compliment others; some people are not. This has to do with temperament other factors.
I have found that the best way to get better at something is to practice.
Start by just stepping out and paying a compliment when something strikes you. For example, if you see someone who has a beautiful dress on, tell her…even if she’s a stranger at the grocery store. If someone sings a special at church that blesses you, make the effort to seek her out after the service and tell her. If you see a young mother who is herding a couple of little children and you notice that she is remaining patient, make a comment to her and encourage her.
The more you practice, the more comfortable you will become at paying spontaneous compliments. Eventually, it will become a part of who you are.
Also, you bring up another good point. One way to learn The Thirty Second Rule is to teach it to your children. Practice what to say with them. You’ll be passing something powerful on to the next generation.
Hope that helps.
April 21st, 2007 | #
Thanks, Mom!
April 21st, 2007 | #
Hey Tamera,
I love being in your list of top commenters!! What a great idea. You have so many great ideas and I have loved reading about the 30 second rule, the temperaments, and about encouraging others. I heard a pastor/speaker say most people are so underaffirmed! So, don’t worry about giving that complete stranger a compliment! 9 times out of 10 you might be the ONLY person that day to say or do something nice without expecting anything in return. It is good for us to do things for others because it makes THEM feel good. And Tamera, you always make me feel good by sharing the insights into life as you know it. I count it a great privilege to be your friend and to see what God is doing in and through you !
your grateful friend,
Elaine
April 21st, 2007 | #
Elaine,
You brought up such a good point. It is highly likely that when you give someone a compliment, it will be the ONLY compliment they receive that day…perhaps that week! It’s such a little thing that we can do that could literally make someone’s day.
April 21st, 2007 | #
Hi Tamera,
Thanks for the comment! I love your blogs. Sorry I do not always comment. I have been trying to get my curriculum going and try to go through everything so quickly, that I sometimes forget to comment. I guess I forget how important it is when you receive something (like the useful and inspirational info in your blogs) to give something back (like a comment). I want you to know that I need you. Your blogs, along with some others, literally get me through my day. Some people do not realize how hard it is to be a stay at home mom and add taking your children’s education into your hands, it can be a bit overwhelming sometimes. Your blogs make me realize I am not alone and like this particular one, help me to take the focus off of myself and look around at what I can do for someone else.
Thank you Tamera,
JEN
April 22nd, 2007 | #
Jennifer,
Thank you so much for the kind words.
You are right, homeschooling is SUCH a responsibility! It can be very overwhelming. Not only do you have the duties of a wife, mother, and homemaker, you add duties as a teacher.
I want to encourage you that you are not alone. I am planning in the future to focus a little more on homeschooling, but right now, I am really focused on helping women to assess where they are in their personal walk with God. I feel this is so important because if your personal walk is lacking, it’s very difficult to excel in the other areas of your life.
Again, thanks for the kind words.
April 22nd, 2007 | #