What Am I Afraid Of?
As I continue to share in this forum, I find I am sometimes fearful. So, this morning, I began to think: what exactly is fear?
Whenever I think of fear, the first thing that comes to my mind is I John 4:18:
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. (KJV)
In the past, I have looked at this verse as, “You need to get rid of the fear because it shows a lack of faith.” That attitude is a little like taking an aspirin for a headache without regard to the primary cause of the headache.
As a physician, this was a daily part of my practice. We doctors understand so much more about the workings of the human body than we did even 20 years ago, yet there is still so much we don’t understand. So, we treat the symptoms instead of the cause.
A good example would be high blood pressure. There are a few things that we know can induce hypertension (or high blood pressure), but the majority of people are diagnosed with Essential Hypertension. This is a fancy way of saying, “We don’t know what’s causing your high blood pressure, but we’re pretty sure it’s bad for you, so here. Take this pill.” We treat the symptom without addressing the cause.
Often, I do the same thing with fear. I recognize it is there, but then I try to “take a pill.” I do that by turning to God as I described a moment ago; or I distract myself with the television or the computer or a dozen other things. I’ll do anything to avoid defining the source of my fear.
So, this morning, I took a look at it. What is the cause of the fear that I’ve been feeling?
For me, I fear that those who knew me as a doctor, are going the think the life I live now is foolish.
There’s a line from a movie I saw once, “Lo, how are the mighty fallen.” And I hear the actor admonishing me sometimes when I’m mucking out the chicken coop or sitting down to milk the goats or now when I’m writing my heart out. I wonder what they would think if they could see me and read about how much I enjoy my life the way I’m living it now.
I also wonder what my family will think. They know me, after all. They know the good, the bad…and a lot of ugly.
So, what’s the answer? I wish I knew. For right now, I’m acknowledging the fear, defining it, and trying to push past it…and I’m hoping.
I hope that my words reach women and help them in their struggle to make lasting changes in their lives. I hope that I will grow and stretch as a writer. But, most of all, I hope that people will see God in me…and not just me.
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Thanks for sharing your heart. I don’t think you’ve fallen at all - its a promotion to be home with your children but I know the feelings. The world tells us we have to be doing something important to be important. They just don’t know that we have the most important jobs in the world - raising the next generation of Godly leaders!
Phyllis Sather
Proclaiming God’s Faithfulness at:
http://www.Phyllis-Sather.com
March 15th, 2007 | #
Oh Tamera,
I can so totally relate to your feelings here. As you may remember I was a registered nurse. When I left my career I was working in Nursing Administration at our hospital, climbing that ever extending ladder of “success”, and working on my Master’s degree. About half way through my degree, I just quit. I knew God was calling me home. My children were growing up and I was missing it. And I haven’t regretted it and like you, I love my life!!
I once heard a story of a women who went to a nursing convention and was feeling the pressure because she was not “working” at that time in her life. God gently spoke to her. Who was she?? A servant of the Lord Jesus Christ. And I thought you just can’t get better than that. No job exists that is greater in value than being a servant of Jesus Christ and doing what he calls you to do.
I love your site. You speak to my heart.
Cindy Calvert
Come, Join the Journey
to Heart Restoration
http://www.CindyCalvert.com
March 17th, 2007 | #
Thanks, Tamera, for sharing your thoughts and hopes. It is good to share your “roadmap of life” as it twists and turns, marking places where the roads are not exactly as you first viewed it.
Although far from an expert critic, I suggested to you before that your writing is good, interesting, and worthy of publishing. I look forward to perusing the rest of the site.
March 17th, 2007 | #
We humans set up norms, for a Dr., work,save, retire rich. How glorious that you have over come the norm and your family and children are being blessed by your not being norm. Love you Mom
March 19th, 2007 | #