Join Me On the Journey

A few days ago, I encouraged you to spend some time listing the things that are truly bothering you about your life.

Did you do it?

If not, I would encourage you to read Control and perform this exercise.

Once you have your pages written, go back through and re-read them.

(Ideally, a little time should pass between performing this exercise and evaluating the content. It also works best if you do it without a preconceived notion of what you’re going to be doing with the material, so I would encourage you to perform the exercise before you finish reading this.)

Do you see some common threads? Did you make some discoveries that surprised you?

On another piece of paper (or in another page of your journal) make a list of the items you discovered. Look at each item and determine whether you control that thing or not.

If you’re unsure about whether you have control over that item on your list, just ask yourself, “Is there another person involved?” If so, you do not have total control over that item.

There are likely things over which you have no control. Again, you cannot control world events, or natural laws (such as the weather), or another person’s behavior. One way to make these problems less stressful is to change your attitude. You must work to come to a place where you accept what you cannot change. (remember the Serenity Prayer?)

There are likely several items over which you have only partial control. For example, if there is a relationship in your life that is troubled, you do have partial control over that situation. You can control how you feel about that person. You can control how you react to their behavior. You can become proactive in your response to their behavior.

Lastly, it is probable that you have items on your list over which you have total control. If much of your list contains things you can totally control, you are truly blessed.

When you have divided your list into things over which you have no control, things you partially control, and things you totally control; pick a place to start.

Start with the thing that’s really bugging you the most. Or, perhaps you discover a common theme to your list. You may discover your problems separate themselves naturally into different categories than I have suggested here. Remember, this is your list; your life. I am suggesting one way to tackle this list but you may intuitively follow a different trail. That is between you and God.

This is your journey and it begins with one step. Small, deliberate changes can have a big effect in your life.

One year from now, God willing (and He is), you will be a year older. You can determine today (and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow) if you will be a year older with the same problems plaguing your life; or if you will be a year older with some of those problems taken care of.

I want very much to walk with you on this journey. The first edition of my e-zine will be coming out tomorrow and I will be talking about habits. Habits are the smallest units of change. Taking one of the items on your list, breaking it down into something small that you can change, and weaving that new habit into your life is a way that you can become proactive and make profound changes for the better.

Popularity: 7%

I have spent a great deal of time thinking about when and why true change occurs in a person. When I read, it’s what I notice. Even when I read a novel, I notice how the characters are growing and changing and what factors produce that change. I have read extensively about personality types, relationships, psychology, and parenting; and in everything I read, I am always thinking about what the author says about how and why people change.

This morning (while I was sweating away, red-faced on the treadmill ) I was listening to a podcast of Joyce Meyer who was interviewing John C. Maxwell and Les Parrott, PH.D. John Maxwell said something that filled in a piece of the puzzle for me and I wanted to share it with you.

There are three things that precipitate change in a person.

1. When you hurt enough, you have to change.
2. When you learn enough, you want to change.
3. When you receive enough, you are able to change.

Let’s think about these for a moment.

First of all, “When you hurt enough, you have to change.” This is the reason that I have focused on the most. I had in my head that the only time that people truly change is when they hit bottom and there’s no way out but up. I’ve been there…a couple of times. I understand what it’s like to feel my life was so bad that I needed to make a major change in order to go on. In fact, if you’ve read my blogs, you may have read comments like, “True change occurs when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”

However, I realize now that the recent changes in my life have not been because of this first reason. My life is awesome right now. Nothing big, bad, and ugly precipitated the changes that began in November of 2006 and have culminated in my writing to you today. I realize that the recent changes in my life have occurred because of reasons two and three. I had learned and received enough that I was willing and able to change.

A few days ago, I wrote about my obsession with reading. (From Learner to Teacher) I take nuggets from nearly every book or article I read, or talk I listen to. I add those tidbits of information to the knowledge I had already acquired, reformulated them and as a result, I have come to this place in my life where I would love to have the opportunity to share all of it with you. That desire is burning in my heart.

A big part of what is spurring me on to write here is the possibility that I could help you change because I helped you learn enough to make you want to change; or because I provided you with enough information that you were able to change.

Can you think of a time when you’ve made significant change in your life? Tell us about it. Click the “comments” button below.

Popularity: 6%

It never ceases to amaze me how practical the Bible is. I find that sometimes, I can skip right over a phrase or a sentence while I’m “getting to the good stuff.” But, tucked away in James chapter 5, in a paragraph about prayer, there is this little phrase:

Confess your faults one to another, James 5:16a (KJV)

Now, this is such practical advice, and yet, in our culture, it can be so hard to follow. We live in a culture where image is everything. Even in the church, we aren’t often transparent with each other. We don’t want other Christians to know that we haven’t had our quiet time for weeks on end, that we are struggling in our marriage, and our kids are out of control.

We go to church, “How are you this morning?” “Oh, I’m doing great, how are you?” “Oh, fine, just fine.” I am so guilty of this, and I’ll bet you are, too.

Now I’m not saying that you need to spill your guts to the greeter every Sunday morning. But, what I am saying is that you need to find other women whom you can trust to confess your faults.

Confession accomplishes many purposes. Defining a problem goes a long way toward fixing it. Sometimes, just saying something out loud helps you to see it more clearly and then you can deal with it. Often, when you say it aloud, it’s not nearly as bad as it seems when it’s hidden inside your heart. You’ll often find that other women have thought the same thought or done the same thing or had the same or similar experience.

For many years, I didn’t have another woman to confide in. As a physician, I had little time outside the office to form relationships with other women. I know that those of you who work outside the home must struggle with that as well. The moment you walk out of work, you have family responsibilities. We’re just so busy that there is no time to find someone you can trust to “confess” to.

When I came home, I was the only woman (of childbearing age, LOL) who was home all day, so I faced the opposite problem; there wasn’t really anyone I could relate to.

After (literally) years of prayer, I finally have a few friends I can trust who live close enough for me to see regularly. It has been so wonderful to have those women in my life.

The Bible says:

For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself. Rom 14:7 (KJV)

No woman is an island.

Do you have women in your life with whom you can share? Tell us about her. Click the “comments” button below.

Popularity: 3%

Several weeks ago, I was out in the early morning doing chores. As I was walking from the house to the chicken coop, I looked toward the East, and I was greeted with a most amazing sunrise. All around, the trees were covered with hoar frost. The sun wasn’t peeking up yet, but the sky was a light green-blue. There were low clouds on the horizon painted in soft shades of pink and purple and orange and yellow. It was breathtaking…spectacular.

As I stopped to drink in the sight, it occurred to me that no other person on the earth would ever see the same sight that I was gazing upon at that moment in time. It would never come again, and even if there were other people who were out in the early morning, watching the sunrise through frost covered trees, their view would be different because they were looking from a different place on the earth.

And I stopped for a moment, and I asked God, “Why? Why would you create something so incredibly beautiful that only I will see?” And I heard Him say to my spirit, “Because I love you. And because it’s My way of giving you a hug.”

For just a moment, I caught a glimpse of just how much God loves me.

And, He loves you that much, too.

Have you ever had a moment when the love of God has been so real to you? Please tell your story. Click on “Comments” below and share.

Popularity: 3%

It’s my baby’s birthday today. She is two. I am officially “babyless.”The story of my little Mariah is nothing short of a miracle. Everything was going very well in my pregnancy when I went in for my ob visit that day–or so I thought. Since I have high blood pressure, my doctor decided to order an ultrasound to obtain a baseline weight measurement. Women who have high blood pressure sometimes have problems causing the baby not to grow well so her weight would need to be closely watched.

I could tell from the way the ultrasound tech was acting that something was not right, but I was unprepared for what the doctor told me a few minutes later. She told us that the baby wasn’t getting good blood flow through the umbilical cord. It was a very unusual problem and they wanted to transfer us to Rochester, Minnesota. The other option was to deliver Mariah via C-section…that day. There was no guarantee that she would survive another 24 hours in my uterus.

Now, being a doctor can have its disadvantages. Sometimes, knowing so much is not helpful. I knew the implications of what they were saying. If the baby had not been getting good blood flow, she had most likely been denied proper nutrition, perhaps even proper oxygenation. She was already a pound underweight for her age. I was really scared that there had already been permanent brain damage. My husband and I had just a few hours to make the decision of whether to transfer to a tertiary care center, deliver a baby immediately, or continue with the pregnancy and take our chances.

We opted for the C-section. (They didn’t think that she would handle the stress of an attempted vaginal delivery.)

I was so scared. I cannot even express how scared I was. In fact, just writing about it now is bringing those emotions to the surface, and it still doesn’t feel very good! I tried to pray, but I just wasn’t in a good place in my walk at that time in my life. I praise God that I have since sought Him and I am walking so much closer to Him. I sometimes wonder how I would have handled that situation if I had been closer to God at the time.

So, my little Mimi was born two years ago today; a two pound scrawny little thing who came out screaming. I’m not sure whether she was screaming at the injustice of being ripped out of a warm, quiet, dark, protective environment; or whether she was screaming, “Thank goodness! I was starving in there!”

Today, as I finish this post, she’s sitting on my lap sucking down goat’s milk from her sippy cup. (I milk goats.) She appears to be no worse for the wear despite her rocky beginning. She’s pretty small for her age, but one of my other daughters is also very petite. (They get that from their father’s side of the house, LOL.) She’s definitely two. In fact, she started with “the terrible twos” about a month ago, and my son (who will be three in a month) decided that he had obviously missed something, so he joined her.

My God is so good! He is so faithful! I praise Him for protecting her and I am so thankful that she’s a part of my family.

Popularity: 9%

I read a lot! I have always been a reader.

When I was a little girl, I read pages and pages of fiction. As I grew older, I began reading about different subjects: psychology, self-help books, personality types, success. A great deal of what I read in these areas was written by Christian authors.

I also read widely about subjects that are important to me. I read books about prayer and Bible study and quiet times. I started reading about homeschooling before Olivia was even born. I read about marriage building. I read about how to be a good mother and how to keep house.

It has also been my habit that each time I got interested in a new hobby, I bought books about that hobby. Consequently, I have a library in my home with large sections on photography, gardening, quilting, and numerous other subjects.

Like you, there is usually one or two points in a book or article that I read that really stick with me. However, when you add that all up, it gets to be a head stuffed full of tidbits about a diversity of topics. All those little tidbits are arranged in a manner peculiar to me. In the history of time, there is only one person who has read all the words that I have read and had all the experiences I have had.

That puts me in a very unique position; a position of sharing what I know with you from a very singular perspective.

On the other hand, I’m very much like most of you. I’m a Christian. I’m a woman. I’m a wife, a stay-at-home mom. I used to work outside the home in a fairly high-pressure job. And so, the wisdom that I have gained in my 41 years on this earth will translate easily into your life.

And that is why I have begun writing here. I have so much inside my head, it’s just bursting to get out! I feel like if I don’t begin sharing, my heart will explode. Writing here has been like a spillway letting pressure off the dam inside my head, LOL.

Writing here is also causing me to shift my paradigm from that of learner to that of teacher.

Now, some of you may not be familiar with the word paradigm. It’s an awesome word that simply means the set of assumptions, concepts, values, and practices that dictate the way you view your world. In other words, you are a product of your beliefs and decisions. The Bible puts it this way:

For as [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he: Prov 23:7a (KJV)

A paradigm shift is that “aha” moment that you experience when you connect the dots in your mind. It’s that moment you finally learn that lesson that God has been trying to teach you. It’s the moment you read a scripture and it speaks something totally different to you than the last time you read it. It’s that moment that you realize that your husband really does mean it when he says he’s thinking about nothing. (see my entry In the Box With No Words)

I realized this morning that this forum is a paradigm shift for me. I am going from the mindset of a learner, or a gatherer of information; to the mindset of a teacher, or a sharer of information.

Now anyone who has prepared any type of a lesson knows that when you look at information with a mind toward teaching the material to someone else, you look at the material differently. You actually learn information more thoroughly when you know that you are going to be teaching it to someone else–whether formally or informally.

For that very reason, I look forward to great changes in my life from this website. As I share with you, I expect to become more focused and accountable. I look forward to feedback and critique. I know that sharing with you will make me a better person, and I pray it will benefit you as it does me.

Have a great day!

Popularity: 6%

As I continue to share in this forum, I find I am sometimes fearful. So, this morning, I began to think: what exactly is fear?

Whenever I think of fear, the first thing that comes to my mind is I John 4:18:

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. (KJV)

In the past, I have looked at this verse as, “You need to get rid of the fear because it shows a lack of faith.” That attitude is a little like taking an aspirin for a headache without regard to the primary cause of the headache.

As a physician, this was a daily part of my practice. We doctors understand so much more about the workings of the human body than we did even 20 years ago, yet there is still so much we don’t understand. So, we treat the symptoms instead of the cause.

A good example would be high blood pressure. There are a few things that we know can induce hypertension (or high blood pressure), but the majority of people are diagnosed with Essential Hypertension. This is a fancy way of saying, “We don’t know what’s causing your high blood pressure, but we’re pretty sure it’s bad for you, so here. Take this pill.” We treat the symptom without addressing the cause.

Often, I do the same thing with fear. I recognize it is there, but then I try to “take a pill.” I do that by turning to God as I described a moment ago; or I distract myself with the television or the computer or a dozen other things. I’ll do anything to avoid defining the source of my fear.

So, this morning, I took a look at it. What is the cause of the fear that I’ve been feeling?

For me, I fear that those who knew me as a doctor, are going the think the life I live now is foolish.

There’s a line from a movie I saw once, “Lo, how are the mighty fallen.” And I hear the actor admonishing me sometimes when I’m mucking out the chicken coop or sitting down to milk the goats or now when I’m writing my heart out. I wonder what they would think if they could see me and read about how much I enjoy my life the way I’m living it now.

I also wonder what my family will think. They know me, after all. They know the good, the bad…and a lot of ugly.

So, what’s the answer? I wish I knew. For right now, I’m acknowledging the fear, defining it, and trying to push past it…and I’m hoping.

I hope that my words reach women and help them in their struggle to make lasting changes in their lives. I hope that I will grow and stretch as a writer. But, most of all, I hope that people will see God in me…and not just me.

Popularity: 5%

This evening, I would like to share an email that my sister forwarded to me from her sister-in-law.

Theresa writes:

Good morning Ladies:

It has been on my heart the last couple of weeks that Satan is on the attack. I know he always is, roaming everywhere seeking to destroy whatever he can. But I sense him being extremely aggressive lately…maybe not with me…but with many that I love, including some of you.

Well, just as I pray on this, and ask for special protection, along comes a devotional lesson that addresses the subject of what Satan often does to me: he takes something that happens and helps me to blow it up, to wrap me up in lies, and to twist me in such a knot that all I seem to believe is lies about being worthless and the scum of the earth. Even though I am repentant and come to the feet of Jesus to ask for His forgiveness and guidance, I cannot let go of these horrible feelings. Then I completely forget God’s truth — though I am a sinner, He still loves me and want me to be free in his forgiveness!

So, here is Beth Moore’s lesson that reminded me of how valuable I am (and you are) to God: (content from Praying God’s Word Devotional Journal Copyright 2002 Broadman & Holman Publishers Nashville, TN)

He gives us more grace. That is why the Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6

Never in all of Scripture did Christ resist the repentant sinner. Indeed, forgiveness is why He came. So, when we approach God in genuine repentance, taking full responsibility for our own sins, our prison doors swing open. Tragically, though, too many of us sit right there for years in our prison cells, living in torment of guilt, feeling unreleased from repetitive sins.

Satan knows that forgiveness leads to freedom, so he takes on the role of tormentor, taunting us with guilt and condemnation. He does everything he can to see to it that we don’t forgive ourselves. But we have God’s promises that our penalty has been paid, our time served, our guilt expunged. We can walk forward in His truth.

Satan can scream and holler all he wants to. We’re free to ignore him.

Father God, thank you for declaring no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:1-2). Help me to understand that the loving chastisement that might come to me after I have rebelled against You is only in the purest Father’s love and is never to be confused with condemnation (Hebrews 12:6).

My faithful God, if I claim to be without sin, I deceive myself and the truth is not in me. But if I confess my sins, You are faithful and just and will forgive me my sins and purify me from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:8-9).

Maybe this is not you right now. But I know that even though I am in a good place right now as I type this, there is likely to be a time when this will apply to me again. I am working on it, but because I believed Satan’s lies for so long, he knows that my self-worth and the way I view myself (instead of seeing myself through God’s eyes) is a vulnerable spot.

And even though I know I am free, when I do something (and it doesn’t have to be big) I have a hard time forgiving myself and I climb right back into that prison cell. I guess I need to work on believing I am free.

If you know someone this message might help….please pass it on to them.

Have a blessed day!

Theresa

I really appreciated her heart and I thought I would pass this on. I pray you are blessed by it.

Popularity: 4%

I thought that since tomorrow is my Anniversary, I would tell the story about how my husband and I met.

At the time, I was working as a locum tenens physician. Locum tenens is Latin for “holds the place of.” In other words, a locum physician works temporary jobs while a clinic or hospital is looking for a full time physician or if another physician is on extended leave.

I was having a fine time traveling all around the Midwest working in Wisconsin, Michigan, and North Dakota. When I came to Jamestown, North Dakota, I was only planning on a three month stay. I guess God had other plans.

Dana and I met via that internet at a Christian singles site and started e-mailing. Very quickly, we realized that we wanted to get to know each other better. We exchanged phone numbers and began talking. A few weeks later, August 20th, we had our first date and we quickly realized that we had a similar background and upbringing. We also shared a strong faith in God.

He’s fond of reminding me that when we first met, I told him honestly that I was only planning on being in Jamestown until October. I also said that I didn’t want children and he remembers being very disappointed on both points. Since I was already 32, I had given up on the idea of having children and had convinced myself that I didn’t want them after all.

My time at the Jamestown clinic was drawing to a close, but they still hadn’t signed another physician, so I extended my stay.

In October, instead of moving on to another state, I became engaged. The next March, we married…on my birthday…so I could remember our anniversary. (I’m terrible at remembering dates!)

Now, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend that people do what we did, LOL. We met in the summer of 1998, got married in March of 1999 and had our first baby a year later in May of 2000. Having a series of major life changes–even good ones–is very stressful.

We’ve had a few bumps in the road, but thank heaven, he’s so very kind, patient, and understanding. It’s so wonderful to be married to a man who has always been so supportive of any dream a set my face toward.

Over the last couple of years, I have come to realize that I haven’t been the best wife I could be. I find it so hard to juggle everything. (Would you like a little cheese with your whine, Tamera?)

When I worked outside the home, I had a very demanding job. What’s more, I commuted to Jamestown 80 miles one way! During part of the time, we had two houses; one that we were renting in Jamestown, and our home in rural Kintyre.

When I quit my job, I had a newborn, a two year old and a four year old. I didn’t have a handle on how to keep house…or on how to keep a husband. I didn’t make time for him. My priorities were all out of whack.

I also had a lot of emotional baggage that needed to be unpacked, evaluated, and dealt with. How he has hung on through those difficult months in my life, I’ll never know this side of heaven.

But, I thank God that he has hung on. I thank God that his commitment to our marriage is stronger than my attempts to push him away. I thank God for him every day!

Happy Anniversary, Dana!

Popularity: 4%

Did you know that most of the time when you ask your husband, “Whatcha thinkin’ ’bout?” and he says, “Nothin’,” he’s actually telling the truth?

I don’t know about you, but that used to DRIVE ME CRAZY until I went a marriage conference at our church. I knew there were differences between men and women. It’s actually an interest of mine and I do a lot of reading on the subject. However, understanding this one concept has made my life so much better.

You see, men are like waffles. Waffles, you may ask? Yes, waffles.

You all know what a waffle looks like as viewed from the top; all those little boxes in a row with walls between them, all neat and separate. Each little box represents an aspect of your man’s life: his job, his hobbies, television, you, the kids.

When he’s in a box, that’s what he’s thinking about, experiencing, solving (because we all know that’s what he loves to do best), conquering, working out. He’s not thinking about anything but what’s in that box. He’s “in the zone!”

But the real trick is, that lucky guy can go into a box with no words. He can actually go to a place where he’s not thinking about ANYTHING. Can you imagine being able to go to a place where you didn’t have a thousand things running through your head at one time?

I’ve asked lots of guys about this and they all say it’s true. This is the one and only thing about being a man that I envy!

So, the next time that you ask your hubby, “Whatcha thinkin’ ’bout?” and he says, “Nothin’,” remember that he’s most likely telling the truth.

Read all about it: Men Are Like Waffles–Women Are Like Spaghetti by Bill and Pam Farrell

Popularity: 4%